| Tell me that you want someone beside you/Tell me that you want to see this through/Tell me all the times that I've been loving you/...You love me too
|Thank you again my dearest Rob Thomas for the unauthorized use of your words! This time the Title is from Fallin' to Pieces also from the album Something to Be.
Ok you guys need to stop leaving me now.
Don't know if you've noticed or not but I'm running out of friends here. And seriously you are running out of states that start with the letter "C" to be running to. I think you pretty much have Connecticut left. But that would be in the wrong direction. The letter C and West seems to be the theme here.
See I'm no good at making friends other than the friends I already have. So (wait for it here comes the guilt trip) stop moving on with your lives to bigger and better things for you. Think about me. Poor miserable me. Revolve your lives around ME!
this is here to emphasise the patheticness
Fine, I guess that is ok.
In all seriousness I know this post is like 5 days too early but Manda I hope you and Joe are beyond deliriously happy!! (Eeeeek!! Trees real trees, and the Ocean!! You are so extremely lucky!!) And like we were talking about, 50% of marriages are expected to fail so as of right now you and April are in the clear.
Moving on to not much happier things. Feel free to ignore. I don't even know if the person this is aimed at ever reads here.
Am I wrong to be expecting some sort of display? I have lived for so long with every thing based off of words and words alone. Words that were never backed up with action and were often forgotten by the speaker. I don't want that anymore. Sure feel free to keep feeding me pretty words and promises, but you damned well better back it up with actions and something tangible. That is of course if you have any hopes of trying to get me to change my mind.
I know I come off as cold and like I don't care. And in part that is true. But only in part.
I am preparing those of us left in this family to be on our own. And it's funny. It doesn't seem to be taking much work. There is much less yelling and fighting. Things seem to run just as smooth as before if not smoother.
You have a lot to answer for. And a lot more to live up to. I will no longer be someones free ride. I expect more.
I want a best friend. I want a partner. I want some one to stand by my side. Someone who knows when to pick up the slack and lead or back off and follow. But mostly to be by my side as an equal. I want to be loved.
I want what everyone wants. Unconditional love. Not love based on my dress size. Not love based on my home economic skill or cleaning ability. Not love based on who I was 5 years ago. I don't want a honey do list that needs to be met before I am loved.
It's not enough anymore.
I want back what I always gave. I loved regardless of waist size, job, parenting abilities, home economic skills, house keeping abilities, of everything except that you were you.
Unless you can figure out how to change my mind, I am done. And this time I am not coming after you. I did not wrong you. I did not hurt you. I never cheated.
If you still love me like you claim you do
If you still want to be in this family like you claim you do
Figure out a way to fix it.
And I am not drawing you a map. So stop asking me how to fix it.
I also will not do this to Gabby more than once.
One of the things you so liked about that girl 5 years ago has not changed. I am forever hopeful.
If not you, I am still hopeful someone can love me like that.
|posted by Tc @ 2:47 PM
You go girl!!! You deserve all you ask for and more!
I say we just rename Texas to CTexas, and then you'll be in a C state too. ;)
*hugshugshugs* I will see you Saturday! :)
Oh, and Amen, Sister. *hugs*
*big hug* I feel the same way, well about friends I mean. All I know is that we will all be as strong apart as we were together. Because we all love and care for eachother. I am so proud of you in so many ways. I admire your drive and above all your hope. See ya saturday :)
Okay. So. I didn't really know what to say or how to say it. But this is what I have come up with:
I am in the "I don't care" phase now with Victor. And just as Rob has given you words, he gave me words to say what I wanted to say that described my situation:
"You're not the best thing that I knew
Never was never cared too much
For all this hanging around
It's just the same thing all the time
Never get what I want
Never get too close to the end of the line
You're just the same thing that I knew back before the time
When I was only for you "
It hurts. It all hurts. And to now have to watch from the outside, you going through the same sort of pain kills me. I love you. We have been friends for so long now that I truly feel you are a member of my family. So in all my pain that I share with you I found words in one of Michael Buble's new songs that sounds like something I would say to you:
"You are not alone
I'm always there with you
And we'll get lost together
Till the light comes pouring through
When you feel like you're done
And the darkness has won
Babe you're not lost
When your world's crashing down
And you can't bear the thought
I said, babe you're not lost"
You deserve to be loved unconditionally. I hope that no matter what happens down the road, you find that. If you need me, or want me, you know where I am.