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| 8/30/2005 |
| Hatefull just hatefull |
*warning foul language. And for those of you who don't like it when I lash out, please go visit another page I have some wonderful links off to the side, because I really need this, and it is not my intention to hurt feelings*
Hi. My name is Teresa, Tc to my friends and family. And I have a weight problem. Or more accurately people I love and who are supposed to love me no matter what have a problem with my weight.
Yes on occasion I get frustrated that I have limited clothing options and that some things show off my after baby weight more than I would like, and yes I still mourn my skinny pre-pregnancy jeans that I can no longer fit in, but on the whole I'm happy. I don't mind my weight. Or at least I wouldn't if everyone would stop bringing it up.
"If I pay for the (fill in the blank, i.e. diet pills, diet plan, gym) would you go?" "You look good, but would look so smoking hot, if only you had your old body." God you know what just F OFF!
What brings this on, you may ask. Well I'll tell you. Alex finally broke me.
See he is always blowing smoke up my skirt. "You look goooooood! God I love your body." You know crap like that. But last night he hurt me worse than when my mom asked me (when I was in fourth or fifth grade) if I could see my feet, or if I was having seconds because I was hungry or was I eating just to eat (by the way, I was of average weight when all these questions were asked).
See the ass on Saturday was all considerate
"It really hurts you when I talk about your weight right"
In my head *duh, duh duuuuuuugh, you think ass hole?* out loud "yeah"
"I'm sorry"
But that only lasted until last night on the way to Mom's for Jess's b-day.
Conversation... conversation... pay for gym... glare... no.... conversation... "I'm just not that attracted to your body anymore"
Me, I now feel less than a centimeter big, my heart is under his shoe getting beaten stomped killed sewed back up with a tetanus infected needle and barbed wire for thread, and then it’s shoved back in to my body but not put in place, it now resides like a cement block in my stomach.
And for some reason, he doesn't get why I'm
a.) hurt
b.) hating him
c.) informing him that I will never believe what he tells me again and that he can't sit there and tell me that I still turn him on if he doesn't find me attractive anymore.
We've been together for a while now long about 3-4 years. And he still doesn't know me. I went to shower last night but decided that instead of killing him or endlessly crying I needed to work off some of my hurt and anger, so I locked him out of the bathroom and started to clean while the water ran. And he being all concerned and shit that I'm going to kill myself or something decides that he is going to pop the lock and come right on in. Fucker. I had to point out that I am not my mom no matter how much I take after her, I KNOW what I have down the hall, and I sure as hell am not going to hurt myself over his sorry ass. The worst part was that he thought saying that shit would motivate me to go to the gym. Do something about my weight. Yeah, I’ll get right on that.
But I guess when it comes to him I should have expected this. Shit, not long after we started dating I got this little gem "I was talking with my mom and we both agree that you would have a killer figure if only you lost a little bit of your weight and worked on your tummy" WTF? He and his mom are talking about my weight?! And trust me this beauty was pretty early in. I guess it’s not just him, if I want to be accepted by anyone I should expect this. It seems to be a pattern in my life.
I feel so stupid, just this last weekend I was completely in love with him again. Everything was going good, I was even thinking that you know maybe things wont' be so bad anymore. But I guess it just goes to show what I know.
I really really really hate him for doing this. I fucking hope some one makes him feel as little and shitty as he has made me feel. I just want everyone to leave me alone about my weight. If I can be happy with it why can't they? I guess it's only a matter of time before Gabby is made to think that it is ok to treat me like this too.
I wish I could just find someone who will love me if I'm 100 pounds or 500 pounds.
Please, may I please just go home and curl into a ball and cry until I fall asleep.
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posted by Tc @ 10:19 AM   |
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| 3 Comments: |
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*Big hug*. I'm sorry he's making you feel this way Teresa. But you know what I say? "Go look in the mirror Alex!!" He should not be talking..he isn't a buff studmuffin with a 6-pack for abs. You are beautiful Teresa. And if your happy and confident about yourself and he sees that..than that is practically a slap in his face. Be who you are..don't ever let anyone change you.
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I wish I could beat him into a little tiny pulp right now. Be on the bandwagon to remind him how much he has f***ing gained in the last couple of years. How unfair to you. Vic and I love you no matter what size you are. You are so beautiful in your own way and have always had that confidence about you that makes you so beautiful. Screw him!
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Teresa I have always admired you for your beauty. You always know exctly how to put yourself together. Alex is a dumbass and i think we should all strip him naked and make fun of all his flaws. I am so sorry he made you feel like crap he is so stupid for that. You know that your beautiful and you always have been. I think you would be absolutley beautiful if you were 500 pounds. Gabby will never treat you like that because you have raised her to be better than that. Your a great mother, and friend keep being you and forget alex!! :) Lots of love to you today and for all those days you feel gloom just remember these words we have all said. YOU ARE WONDERFUL!!!!!
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*Big hug*. I'm sorry he's making you feel this way Teresa. But you know what I say? "Go look in the mirror Alex!!" He should not be talking..he isn't a buff studmuffin with a 6-pack for abs. You are beautiful Teresa. And if your happy and confident about yourself and he sees that..than that is practically a slap in his face. Be who you are..don't ever let anyone change you.